did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
