Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize