You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
