Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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