that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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