I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize