We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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