Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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