Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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