Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
