I'm really into asian looking animals
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't deserve a penis
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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