this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
