your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
