dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
