We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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