My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
