I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
