things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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