How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
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