dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize