I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
we should paint friendship bongs
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