I just pynch a tree in the face
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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