She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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