cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
