And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
