just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
