WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Randomize
