I'm gonna have a badass scar
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
