I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
