Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
