Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
