I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
