I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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