May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
