i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
