Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
