It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
