I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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