I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
