So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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