he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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