Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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