that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
