Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
