Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
