I cockslap morals
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
