We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
