i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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