I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize