I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
