Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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