I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
