My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
