So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Randomize
