So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
and you fell through a lawn chair
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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