Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
