Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
