Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
