that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
