apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
