It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
