Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize