Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
