..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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