Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
