She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
