Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
