So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
