I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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