we made out on top of his cat.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
