Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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