i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize
