we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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