I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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