Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My vagina just recognized that song.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
