guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
