the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize