I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
