Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We left an ass print on the piano.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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