Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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