I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
